The wolf.
(Photo by WikiMedia Commons)
A young man was wandering the woods one day with some of his tribe gathering nuts, berries, and woods for their people. The chief told them to
stay together but, as usual, he didn’t listen. He strayed from the group and came upon a river. He took out his canteen and began to collect water when he was
approached by a beautiful woman. He froze immediately, completely in a trance
by her beauty.
“What is your name, boy?” She asked, ask she slowly walked
closer to him.
“Nantan Lupan. What is your name?” He replied.
“Ela.” She walked closer. He doesn’t move.
“You are very beautiful, Ela.”
She blushed. “Would you like to be my husband?”
“Very much.”
“You have to promise me one thing.”
“Anything.”
“I will disappear every night before sunset. You cannot come
after me.”
“You will be my wife, but we won’t share a bed?”
“I’m afraid not. It’s the only way. If you really want to be
my husband.”
“I do. You are the most beautiful thing I have every seen. I
will do anything for you. Let me take you back to my village so I can show you off
to all my people.”
She smiles and stickers her hand out. He grabs her
hand.
“We must hurry,” she says, “sunset will be here soon.”
“Of course.”
They run off and catch up with the others.
“Where have you been?” The chief’s second-in-command,
Chalipun, shouts.
“I’ve been with my wife.” He announced proudly.
“Wife?” Chalipun looks past Nantan. He blushes. He clears his throat, “yes, yes, your wife. Let’s be off. It will be dark soon.”
The group heads back to their site and the tribe meets Nantan’s
wife. They all welcome her with open arms.
Five years go by and the couple is still happily married.
Nantan finally accepted that he will sleep alone at night for as long as they
lived. He didn’t care, he loved his wife so much.
One day, a rumor went around that Nantan was not Ela’s only
husband and that is where she snuck off to at night. He denied it at first, but
their voices would not leave his head.
“Why else would she leave every night?”
“She probably has a family. That’s why you don’t have
children with her.”
“She’s using you and the rest of us for food.”
Fed up, Nantan set out a plan to catch Ela in the act. He was
distraught. He loved her so much. How could she betray him?
That same night his wife said good-bye to him like she
always did. He grabbed his coat and followed closely behind her making sure he
never got too close.
He followed her for about two miles when she approached a
cave. She went inside and he waited for a few moments. He heard something fall
and he charged in with all his strength.
“I caught you! Oh, wife how could y-“
He stopped immediately, out of breath, his eyes wide. He was looking at the
largest wolf he’d ever seen.
“What did you do to my wife?”
The wolf charged him and he ran. He ran back to his village
to tell his people the truth about his wife. The wolf chased him as if she didn’t
recognize him. She slaughtered and ate the whole village, including Nantan.
Author's note: North American Indian tales are not very well told. There is a lot of polygamy and a lot of human-animal hybrids and border line bestiality. Have you ever told someone a story you thought was significant but realized it wasn't going anywhere, or it wasn't as funny after you said it out loud? That's how felt reading these. Marriage was also very casual. It was like asking someone out in middle school. Some tales they didn't even ask, they'd just say "I want to be your wife" and that was that. I kept it simple, I liked the idea of people shifting into animals so mainly stuck with that idea. I didn't write a completely pointless story, I found it too difficult because I need a resolution. I also googled Apache names for my characters! I hope you liked it, thank you for reading. (:
Bibliography. Stith Thompson. Tales of the North American Indians. Web source.
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I like the dialogue you incorporated in the story! A weakness of mine is that I never put dialogue for some reason. I was so curious on why they can’t share a bed. The element of mystery was a nice touch. I did not expect her to be a wolf, but I really should have paid attention to the title better! I enjoyed your take on the story. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI get two different messages from the content of your story: misfortune from trusting too quickly and misfortune from not trusting enough. Both are great messages, and having both reinforces need for tactful behavior.
ReplyDeleteIn the writing itself, getting something concise across is important, but don't let that stop you from painting a picture with your words! There are moments that could really benefit from it, such as when Nantan first sees Ela or when Ela is revealed to be a wolf.
There are a few oddities in the plot, such as Nantan's behavior of disobedience not being established and how we come to the conclusion that Ela is a werewolf, as well as a few word choices that could do with scrutiny, but the subject matter is interesting and it has a nice blend of messages. Keep up the good work.
Was not expecting that ending! Personally, I love the trope of transformation plus memory loss, so I think it's cool. I think if you're going to edit this story, you could add more sensory detail to make the ending more hard-hitting. Visual details, like Ela's appearance before and after the change. Then, in response to that, more about how seeing her before and after affects Nantan.
ReplyDeleteCool story!
Hi! Just a few things to point out:
ReplyDelete“Ela.” She walked closer. He doesn’t move.
Since you have been writing in past tense, doesn't should be didn't.
"She smiles and stickers her hand out. He grabs her hand."
I think you meant stick instead of stickers.
I'm glad you explained marriage was a casual thing! I was mildly concerned at how quickly they fell for each other. Interesting twist, too! I honestly did not think she would have killed everyone, so it surprised me. I did find it interesting that the others believed and convinced the main character that she was cheating; it was a valid reason behind why she would disappear. Nice work!
This was a very interestingly told story! I enjoyed this style of writing with less explanation of who's talking and the fact that there is plenty of dialogue between the characters. It was easy to follow along with and very intriguing to see why she had to leave every night, though your title and picture gave it away! I will say that the ending was so abrupt and I wished there was more to it than them just dying by her teeth. Overall, it was well written! I would also have liked to have more of a summary of the original story in your Author's Note as I have never read it before. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the dialogue you included into the story here, that is something I still have not been able to include in any of my stories to date. This story certainly had more dialogue than any others that I have read during the course of the semester, very nicely done, it made the story more enjoyable to read.
ReplyDelete